today

was a great day. We explored our backyard. Also, this child of mine is possibly the cutest thing on earth.

raw

I thought my last post was going to be the hardest post to write. But it turns out this one takes the cake. I'm just going to make it somewhat short and simple because I myself am still sorting through this.

Straton and I were so blessed to become pregnant after so long of trying but unfortunately, heart-breakingly,  I miscarried. It was something I just did not see coming. After experiencing signs and symptoms of a miscarriage, my doctor told me a few days later at an ultrasound appointment that the baby was looking right on track but due to some other issues, the chances of survival were very slim, and I was to prepare for a miscarriage.

Those words.....
The emotional drop was almost audible. It was so very much worse than being told I had already miscarried. Now not only did I just see my baby on the monitor, but I had to continue to fall before I reached the bottom.

Thankfully, the worst possible time to miscarry (so I thought) actually turned into the best. I was with family, distracted (mostly), and incredibly happy. I had few and quick alone times of being sad and dealing with it. But I was happy. And surrounded by love.

I'm happy to report that I'm doing much better. Oaklen has forgotten already, but we know that he'll soon be holding a new baby on his lap in no time. =)